Ok so I jest when I say on the cusp of fabulous because I know only too well the devastating impact mania and hypomania can have but I mean that stage before it gets too horrid, the bit where you feel like you could take on the world and win the universe. The bit I wish I could bottle.
I am not poorly, far from it, but I am aware that a couple of warning signs are just rearing their head. Everything seems that little bit brighter and colourful, everything tastes amazing, my head is ok at times but buzzing at other times with ideas and song lyrics and jokes all on a loop. I just feel energised but I know this is something I need to put a stop to before it goes too far.
So far no one has probably noticed the changes in me, I’m not speaking any faster for instance. Subtle is not a word I would generally use to describe me but I think the changes so far are just that. I know I am different though, this morning my husband had to bring my meds to me at work as I had totally forgotten to take them which is something I have never done before I am usually obsessive over meds. I was flippant suggesting I would just skip a day but thankfully hubby brought them too me. I have too much to lose to become poorly again, deep down I know that. Two days ago I felt exhausted now that couldn’t be further from the truth despite it should be the opposite being true.
At the moment I feel great, just like an exaggerated version of me, but I know I need to give that up. We have gone from hot decking to individual desks which we are allowed to personalise… now permission to personalise when I am feeling like this may lead to some hilarious Amazon or eBay parcels! The temptation to ride the wave is phenomenal, like being hungry and someone putting your favourite meal down in front of you and saying you are only allowed to smell it no tasting. I want to taste, I want to devour the steak but I know it is bad for me. That steak will make me ill.
So my plan is extra meds and early to bed, two disturbed nights are the likely cause of this so that is their first thing I need to rectify, telling a couple of people too so that I have accountability to others if God forbid I do slip further (or rise to the stars but you know what I mean!).