Writing for Well Being

I was afforded the opportunity to attend a ‘Writing for Well Being’ workshop on Saturday and although I have blogged for years now which I do credit with being a prophylaxis in my own sense of well being but this workshop encouraged me to re-examine my sense of perspective. I LOVED this workshop, such a different way of writing for me.
We were encouraged to write with specific prompts given but then the freedom to let words flow as they entered our brains and exited via our pens.

The first task we were given was to think about a word we like, a favourite word maybe. I chose pomegranate, I just like the way it sounds.

We then had some discussion which led to a three minute task of starting with the words “In the garden…” this is what I penned:

In the garden there are flowers and grass and a slide for all of the children. This is my dream, I wish I had a garden. We are fortunate in so many ways but we don’t have a garden, or ‘outdoor space’ as all these property porn type tv shows refer to it these days.
I would like a garden filled with children but I know I am blessed with the one child I have. Some people will never know the joy of hearing a child shout ‘watch me mum’ on a slide at the park so why should I lust after a garden and more children?

The next task was to use the favourite word of the person to our right, and we passed our word on. The word I was given was ‘Blackbird’, so I had to use this word to inspire me to write for three minutes:

Listen to the blackbird singing. Its tune sings summer over and over. Its real; summer is here and my eyes know that as they are blinded by the bright daffodil yellow of the sun. The sun is just rising up from spring and venturing into summer. The blackbird wants to make sure everyone knows that by singing its song. It wants you to know summer brings hope, the cold of winter is past and summer brings more than the blackbirds song.

Again we had some fab discussion about where the prompt had taken us although thankfully we were never asked to read aloud what we have written. Our next task was a little longer, five minutes I think and our prompt was to start with ‘I feel happy when…’

I feel happy when I hear my daughter laugh. Not just a quiet smile but a raucous giggle. I feel happy when my husband and I get time just to be. We don’t have a lot of money at the moment but I feel happy when this makes me realise money doesn’t buy happiness. It does pay the mortgage however and knowing that is paid makes me happy too!
I feel happy when I am reminded how loved I am and when I am held in strong arms. I feel happy when I am well. Not every day because life is not linear it has ups and downs but when I stop to appreciate what I have. I am happy but happiness can be elusive.

The next task I found very difficult. I had to imagine I was an object in a room and write as that object about an emotion I was experiencing. Write from the view point of an inanimate object? What the heck?

I can’t say I picked because it was more like my pen picked as the thoughts flowed through the ink of my biro and I found myself writing from the point of view of a clock hanging on my living room wall:

I am ticking. Tick tock tick tock tick tock. She keeps looking over, I think she thinks I am getting louder. I think I am all she can hear. She has zoned out, she looks like she stopped listening as the nurse described how poorly she had found her upon first assessing her. Tick tock tick tock tick tock.I can see her almost processing her memories, trying desperately to put them in some sort of order. I have watched her for years hung on this wall but never seen her as distant or vacant as she has been in recent weeks. She usually runs the household looking at me but now she doesn’t even shower.
Tick tock tick tock tick tock… She can’t look at me and shout ‘come on we are late’ because she no longer goes anywhere.
The nurses visit and they glance over at me too. They see her desperation and try, try so hard to give her hope but they hear my call also, tick tock tick tock. She understands though, she is a nurse too.
As the weeks go by the nurses get to know her. She is more able to talk freely and without the delay which cursed her for weeks. One day she laughs and it drowned out my voice tick tock tick tock. I wish I could tell her not to count the minutes but to count the moments.
Moments are priceless and it is moments which give happiness which is what she craves. It is that we all crave. Tick tock tick tock tick…

The next task was to imagine we were a detective walking into our own homes and making a judgement about the person who lives there. I was to write from the perspective of this detective:

This person has so much to remember, no wonder they have a white board on the back of the front door. Nurse appointments, Doctor appointments, occupational health appointments and reminders about non-uniform days and money needing to be paid for school trip, Guides trip and Sunday School trip. I move through to the living room to see photos of a happy family, the mother looks so different to the tired looking woman who let me in.
I see a bible and a Christian book beside the fire. A tired woman but a woman with faith and therefore hope lives here. I see a basket of paste eggs on the side board, all brightly coloured. Maybe the mum did these with the daughter? Maybe she is feeling a little better?
I see a pile of paperwork next to a laptop; I am well and it looks overwhelming to me so how must this mother feel looking at this?
Cards on the fireplace suggest she is loved by many and that her colleagues hope she will be back at work soon, coupled with the letter half written on the open laptop which would suggest she wants to return too.
I thought the woman had gone out but wandering through this home I hear her breathing heavily and realise she is asleep.

The final task we did was a reflective piece of writing based upon a graded visualisation the leader of the workshop read out to us:

I found this more difficult than I imagined I would. I dislike sitting with my eyes closed in a room full of people. I don’t feel comfortable with that, I don’t know why. My discomfort with this took me a little by surprise. My dislike of this task overtook my thoughts and I missed the first part of the graded visualisation task. When I re-engaged with the teachers voice I heard her describe walking through a rocky cave or cavern and my mind wandered. I found myself thinking about the 1980’s film ‘The Goonies’ and about the characters walking through the underground cave and caverns. I was waiting to hear the teacher describe an opening leading to an amazing aqua blue lagoon with a traditional wooden pirate type ship. I desperately tried to bring my mind back but I was lost in this happy memory of a thirty odd year old film. Maybe I shall try to watch it with my daughter this Easter holidays?
I heard the teacher say that through the next cave was an opening with light pouring in and a luscious green hill in front of me. I was back engaging with the exercise. The green hill was so vibrant against the pale blue with only a scattering of bright whilte clouds of the sky. I could smell the grass, not the urban smell of grass recently cut but a natural smell of grass which has grown there for centuries and which is home to all manner of creatures. Lots of creatures including the ladybird I just saw, it had four spots and was the brightest scarlet red I have ever seen. The ladybird spread its wings and flew away; maybe it didn’t like being looked at?
I was stood still breathing in deep lungfuls of country air and feeling quite blessed by the absolute glory of God’s creation when I heard the teacher remind us this was an exercise and bring us back in the room.

It was time to go home.

I have never done anything like this before so these short writing tasks were a totally new experience for me. Whether it is any good or not I shall leave to the readers but I did enjoy it and I shall absolutely book on another workshop of writing for well being, it really got my brain ticking over in a way it haven’t for so many months whilst I’ve been ill.
Anyway I have typed this as it was hand written quickly in 3 minute bursts so feel free to ask if anything doesn’t make sense.

I really recommend the Writing for Wellbeing workshops Laura does… check out her website: 

http://www.writingforwellbeing.co.uk/

Choose Life… (Trigger Warning – Suicide)

TRIGGER WARNING – TALKS ABOUT SUICIDE IN A GRAPHIC AND DESCRIPTIVE WAY, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS IS LIKELY TO TRIGGER YOU.

 

The night I tried to end my own life I was as calm as I had ever felt, I was sure that taking my own life was my only option. I had a new baby, a great husband, a well paid job and a home in a lovely village lined with blossom trees. You get where I am going with this? Suicidal thoughts are often, not exclusively, but often a symptom of mental illness and mental illness does not discriminate, it can affect anyone at any time. It affected me and it nearly cost me my life, my daughter her mother and my husband his wife. Continue reading

Micro Managing

I consider myself blessed to have been able to remain mentally well without medication for while now but this doesn’t mean it’s all plain sailing. There are blips. Last week was a ‘near blip’ and although upon reflection it was a bit of a worry it is also a boost to my confidence that I was able to manage it. Now please don’t mistake the message in this blog, I am not anti medication; absolutely not, at times medication has been absolutely necessary and has saved my life, in fact Thursday evening last week it was medication which helped me avoid a bigger blip. This blog post is about me explaining how I manage on a day to day basis to stay well (or well-ish!), I know it likely won’t always be like that but I also know from experience that the correct medication works really well for me to aid my journey to remission.

Looking back on last week I am able to see how I caught my mood in the absolute nick of time and that even one day later and I may not have been able to recognise how damaging the effects could be. Let me put into context how I think I came close to a blip… Two weeks ago I worked Tuesday through to Friday which were busy in the way an acute ward is the always busy but actually were lovely shifts where I felt good about the amount of time I actually got to spend with patients that week. I was asked to do some overtime on the Saturday which is something I deliberately rarely do as I am very aware of my need for rest days with low stimulation but was swayed by the thought of weekend enhancement plus overtime rate so agreed. Continue reading