Choose Life… (Trigger Warning – Suicide)

TRIGGER WARNING – TALKS ABOUT SUICIDE IN A GRAPHIC AND DESCRIPTIVE WAY, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS IS LIKELY TO TRIGGER YOU.

 

The night I tried to end my own life I was as calm as I had ever felt, I was sure that taking my own life was my only option. I had a new baby, a great husband, a well paid job and a home in a lovely village lined with blossom trees. You get where I am going with this? Suicidal thoughts are often, not exclusively, but often a symptom of mental illness and mental illness does not discriminate, it can affect anyone at any time. It affected me and it nearly cost me my life, my daughter her mother and my husband his wife. Continue reading

A new era in mental health inpatient care…

I was invited to visit and have a look around my local trusts new mental health hospital but it got me to thinking of my first ever impression of a mental health hospital was being driven up the hill to a brand new build where I was to be admitted but passing the derelict red brick asylum buildings with their imposing shadow and being terrified of what was to greet me at the brow of the hill. As it was to turn out the hospital where I was to stay was state of the art and had only opened mere months before I arrived but I will never forget my fear at the fenced off terror I imagined behind the overgrown shrubbery.

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My Journey…

I gave a talk tonight at the Annual Members Meeting of the Mental Health trust for which I am a governor, my talk was about my journey of recovery and what it meant to me as I made the transition from service user to staff nurse, the words that follow are what I read:

My first contact with mental health services was in 2007 following the birth of my daughter, Eve. After she was born I knew straight away that I didn’t feel right. I spent the first five weeks after she was born racing around, I decorated my entire flat and held a dinner party every night for three weeks! When my daughter was five weeks old depression hit me like a shovel in the face, I didn’t just slow down, I stopped. Continue reading

Nearly a statistic; Postnatal depression

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Trigger Warning re childhood abuse/birth trauma/suicide

I have been involved with a piece of work with the midwifery education school at my local university, the same one incidentally I am due to graduate from this summer with a BSc Hons Mental Health Nursing although this is totally separate to my academic studies.
What started as an email saying ‘you’ve talked about having had postnatal depression haven’t you?’ has evolved over the past 14 months into something I am exceptionally proud of. The email was from someone I have come into contact with in a service user voice worker capacity and on behalf of a senior midwifery lecturer at the uni, we agreed to meet for a coffee in December 2012 to discuss what was being asked and how it could work. Continue reading

Letter to my younger self…

Ten things I wish I could tell my younger self:

1. To always have hope. Through both mental illness and via situations I have faced I’ve felt hopeless at times in my life. I can’t necessarily change how I think or feel when in the grips of mental illness but I can change how I deal with situations that life will invariably throw at me in the future. I have ‘Dum vita est spes est’ tattooed around my ribs which means whilst there is life there is hope in Latin. I truly believe that no matter how utterly hopeless you may feel at any given moment if you just keep on going moment by moment it can get better. So no matter how low one feels it is important never to take a permanent action to solve a temporary feeling. Continue reading

It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas…

Christmas; the most wonderful time of the year? Or is it?
Not for everyone it isn’t. Three years ago I spent Christmas in a psychiatric ward away from my husband and daughter and that will always be at the back of my mind as the shops begin to fill with glitter and the TV adverts show perfect family Christmas’.

I can tell myself I ‘forgive me’ for missing that Christmas with my daughter and build lots of new happier memories in the years since then. What’s not to forgive? I was ill. Continue reading

Sickening stigma

Mental health stigma is not a new issue. What is new is how blatant it seems to have become of late.
Over recent months supermarkets Asda and Tesco both sold costumes for Halloween depicting the popular press’ vision of what a they believe a ‘mental patient’ looks like. The response to this on social media was phenomenal with lots of us within the service user movement posting pictures of ourselves on twitter showing that ‘This is what a mental patient looks like’, showing how fabulously boringly normal we all are.
Power to the people prevailed and the supermarkets withdrew these appallingly named costumes from sale. Continue reading

Shocking!

A few people have asked me to write about my experiences of having had ECT or Electro Convulsive Therapy. I don’t mind as I feel there are a lot of myths to dispel around this, in my humble opinion, amazing treatment.

Several things about ECT are controversial, one of the main things being no one is exactly sure how or why it works! It was explained to me in simplistic terms that if a computer crashed the first thing most of us would do would be to turn it off and back on, reboot it. If we think of our brain as a computer and with mental illness it ‘crashes’ then ECT reboots it. I liked that explanation, it makes it seem logical somehow. Continue reading

Is a mental health diagnosis a modern day equivalent of a straight jacket?

27521_103617956343859_280_nIs a mental health diagnosis a modern day equivalent of a straight jacket? I began to wonder this after a few conversations recently where the subject has come around to the different way people react to a person once they discover a diagnosis of mental illness. Continue reading